What I Thought a Manifested Life Would Look Like | Part 1

Time traveling 5 years ago.

Sept. 2020

I started my self discovery journey 5 years ago. At the time I was at my lowest. I felt like I was stuck in quicksand drowning in my thoughts and the more I tried to figure them out the faster I seemed to spiral. In my mind life was always going wrong even when I felt like I only wanted to believe in good things and the good in people. I remember never wanting to be a bad friend or be seen in a bad light. As a result, I was in the wrong friendships, I accepted less than in dating, and was constantly people pleasing. I started looking for signs around me. I needed something to show me the way out of what sinkhole I was in. For those that want to know a little about spirituality I would often find myself seeing angel numbers like “11:11” on the clock. That would make my day. Some glimmer of hope. I would also dive deep into finding comfort in reading positivity quotes online and finding some similarity to make my life make sense. I then had a tarot reading done, I didn’t realize how much this would change me for the better. She started talking about being able to manifest my own life, a better life. I remember her telling me things that I couldn’t believe she could relate to. She gave me tips on things I should do. I wasn’t really sure how it would happen, but I laid in my bed crying thinking “I really needed this”. I need to do whatever it takes to change my life starting now.

I thought manifestation was honestly the thing that would fix all my problems. I remember thinking I really want to fall in love with someone. I thought I want to manifest my ex back. Well, I don’t blame my younger self. I had been dealt cards in my childhood that I wouldn’t wish on others. Looking back now I just wanted the pain I was feeling to go away. Maybe a person could save me from all of that I thought..

I decided to google, what is manifestation? I searched until I came across a manifestation board which caught my interest. A manifestation board is a collection of quotes, pictures, or even symbols. You can picture it as this.. what are the top ten things you would have if nothing could stop you in the world. I began to list things. Well I want better health and to start going to the gym, I want a new car, a partner who loves me, I want to be happy and I want prettier teeth. I remember at the time they were very surface level, but to me they meant the world. I found images and decided to create one the week before new years. It was the first time I felt a sense of happiness and excitement. I was over the moon because I knew I could do it now that I saw it in front of me. I took the time to type out positive affirmations. An entire list! I listed “I am the healthiest I’ve ever been”, “I am always being treated with kindness”, “I am magnetic”, “I am rich!”. The list had different categories and I would read four affirmations from each category every morning. I would close my eyes and truly believe it. It’s happening because I said so!

3 months in.

It was about three months into the new year. Since making the manifestation board, I took action as soon as I could. I hired a fitness coach for the first three months of the new year. I knew getting back in shape was important not only for my appearance but also for my mental health. I made the decision at the time to give back my leased car to save money and start taking the bus. I was choosing to invest into myself for the first time in my life. Within those three months I lost twenty-two pounds. I had also saved a little over a thousand for a new car. I started searching online when I saw a car twenty minutes away from my home town. I asked my cousin to go see it with me. When we got there I remember thinking this is not at all what I need. I’ll wait for another it’s okay. I thanked the seller and decided to drive back. Within a block away from where we were was a blue car with a for sale sign. I didn’t even notice it, my cousin pointed it out. She said we should go check it out. I thought there’s no way I can afford it and what’s the point but decided to go anyways. What blew my mind was that the woman who was selling it had just placed the for sale sign that same day and hadn’t even posted it online. You can tell she was skeptical, but agreed to let us test drive. Immediately I fell in love with the car. I just knew I wanted it.

When I asked her for the price I felt an immediate feeling of disappointment.. it was thousands of dollars outside of my price range. I begged her to let me see if I could get a loan. I didn’t have good credit and I definitely didn’t think I would get approved for the amount I wanted but I tried anyways. To my utter surprise I was pre-approved, I kept thinking there’s no way.. how is this even possible. It’s really shocking how the universe starts moving pieces together to help you. I had done all the paper work and gave the woman selling the car the check within a week. I knew that I would need to work hard to pay it off but it was worth it. The car was practically brand new at a really low price. It’s so funny, looking back the woman who sold me the car said “I’m glad that you were the one who got it, I didn’t want to give it away but I’m glad you are getting it.” I remember having this feeling of the universe finally noticing me. I was finally receiving the things on my manifestation board I thought.

6 months in.

Over the summer, I continued manifesting and presisting. In manifestation you need to keep presisting and acting as if whatever you dream of is already yours. You hold that feeling no matter what. I had continued doing my affirmations every single day and remaining positive. By this time I had also decided to invest in my teeth. I had put it off for years. I unfortunately had inherently terrible genetics and would grind them. I slowly paid for them. Of course that didn’t come without a sacrifice. I was working about sixty hours a week, seven days a week. I remember being so tired, but I had finally felt alive again. I had this rush of dopamine that I was unstoppable because I was doing it for me. The day I finally had my new smile I felt so happy. I didn’t realize right away that I would need to work on smiling with my teeth since I never smiled before. I was always ashamed of the way they looked. At this point I had checked off three things off my list! I thought “Wow, that happened so quick!”.

1 year in.

A year in I had continued to enjoy this new life that I had curated. I remember people telling me “Wow you look so different”. They would give me compliments and all the things I thought I would want to manifest. I thought that if I did these things I would somehow find the love of my life. I didn’t realize it then, but even when I had put all this work into myself I still was looking for it in someone else. I looked different, the things around me were newer, but I was still the same girl heartbroken on what she thought manifestation should look like. I would think, why can’t I just have this one person. I was so focused on love that I had missed the entire point. I had worked so hard to get the things I thought would change my life that I didn’t stop to smell the roses. While I was always grateful, I realize now I had a very codependent perspective on what my life should look like. Manifestation was the embodiment of who I wanted to be perceived as by others.

It took me years to come to that conclusion. It was never in chasing other people but within me all along. That’s when I began doing the real work. My journey was just beginning and manifesting my life was coming with me.

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